i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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