I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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