For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
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Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
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He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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