had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
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I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
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I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize