Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize