If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize