fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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