im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
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Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
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Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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