i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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