Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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