I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
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Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
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Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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