Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize