I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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