I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
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We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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