so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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