where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
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Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
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You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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