Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
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He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
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Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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