Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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