youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
third nipple confirmed
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize