Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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