Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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