every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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