he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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