Did you just see the Batmobile???
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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