your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
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Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just high enough for therapy.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
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Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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