Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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