I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize