just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
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I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
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Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Dick very happy bro
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