Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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