Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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