And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
