I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize