im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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