I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
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Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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