Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize