just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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