I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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