he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
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We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
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Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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