the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize