My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize