One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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