one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
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I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
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Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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