Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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