There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
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he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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