You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize