dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
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Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
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I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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