I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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