Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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