i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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