the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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